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(further from yourself)

[08 Feb 2008|03:38am]
i have not done anything to my hair in over a year, except one minor trim.
see my photos, a mini time-line of sorts. bangs? cut it? something new?



(1 step :x: further from yourself)

[17 Dec 2004|12:23pm]
i have my meals planned out for today already, but i'm not sure how it's going to go later on, i have a friend coming over.  which actually, is okay, because she knows i have eating "things".  i'll just have spinach salads & hot tea if i have to... anyway, here's what's up for todayyy.  (and no, these are not all 100's, but that's because this is coming from a few days i planned together, so i didn't want to have six 100 meals on there, that'd be gross).

meal one--
+ 2 cups tea with 3 packets sweet-n-low - 20cals
+ 1/2c. kashi strawberry fields cereal w/ 1/4c. light soy - 75cals
+ vitamins/supplements - 5 (rounding up)
TOTAL - 100

meal two--
+ 2c. spinach w/ balsamic vinegar - 30cals
edit: <strike>+ 1 vegan boca burger - 70cals<strike>
edit: +1/2 vegan boca  burger - 35cals

meal three--
+ 2 cups tea with 3 packets sweet-n-low - 20cals

edit: (if necessary)
meal four--
+ 1/2 vegan boca burger (35cals)

that pretty much includes breakfast, lunch, and a snack, but i might be changing that around a little bit so i don't use up all of those calories in the afternoon before my friend comes over.  plus i probably won't be able to eat that entire boca burger.  yeah, i'm going to change it...

(further from yourself)

[16 Dec 2004|01:54pm]

today has been so weird, and i've only been up for a few hours!  i woke up the first time this morning, around 9:30am to a guy calling for my dad.  i could barely function.  it was like, ZERO DEGREES in my room.  when i went outside to give my dad the phone, i realized it was almost warmer out there, than i was.  when i got back to my room, i realized what happened.  a breaker must have blown during the night, and i had no, heat.  i could have seen my breath, it was so frigid.  so i finally got the electricity back on, and went to bed again, because i was not starting my day with an entirely stiff body, and a headache.  it was terrible. 

anyway, then i woke up, and made my dad two sandwiches.  i love making food for other people.  on each sandwich, i opened the roll, and put one slice of turkey, then one teaspoon of mayonaise, one slice of ham, one teaspoon of mayonaise, 8 shakes of wye-river seasoning, one slice of turkey, teaspoon of mayo, 8 shakes of wye-river, and a bit of celery-salt on top.  they were perfect.  then i made him 1/2 cup of corn, with one teaspoon butter spread, a bit of pepper, and celery-salt.  i put it semetrically on the plate.  it looked so nice.  and he loved it.  i felt good.

meal one--
+ 3/4c. kashi puffed wheat - 55cals
+ 1/2c. light soy - 25cals
+ 2 cups tea w/ 3 packets sweet-n-low - 20cals
TOTAL - 100cals, off to a good start, or so i thought.

yeah, then, half way through my cereal, i realize i'm not using my spoon.  i was so pissed.  so i only ate half of it.  okay, i wasn't really mad at the fact that i wasn't going to eat it anymore, just mad that i didn't realize it wasn't my spoon.  i'm so slow when i first wake up!  today will be great, though, because, i'm leaving in two hours to go grocery shopping with jacob, to make fruit/veggie trays for youth group tonight.  the only thing will be planning out how much i can have of each thing.  i need to remember to buy those 8oz styrofoam cups so i can measure everything out to exactly one cup, without having a measuring cup with me, hahaha.  that'd be so funny. 

alright, well i'd better get going.  i'm excited because i won't be home from 3:30 'til 10pm, so it makes my day much, much easier!  woo.
oh, and i'm going to add in the foods i'm having before i leave, so i won't have to in just a few minutes...


meal two--
+ 2 cups tea w/ 3 packets sweet-n-low - 20cals
+ 1 cup tea w/ 2 packets sweet-n-low & 1/4c. light soy - 30cals
+ 1/4c. pumpkin w/ 2 packets sweet-n-low & 1/4c. light soy - 40cals
TOTAL - 100 (rounding up)

EDIT:: woo, i didn't even end up eating the pumpkin.  so that actually made my daily total, at that point, about 150.  i'll only take 10 off of the first meal, because i don't know how much it was really, that i didn't eat, and i'd much rather NOT over estimate!

at uncut, i had about a cup of veggies, and a half cup of fruits, plus one cup of reduced calorie hawaiian punch (haha, see what you get when i go shopping).  and i'm rounding up to 200cals. i know it couldn't have gone over that, because i made sure i had the lowest calorie ones there... celery/cucumber/coliflower/broccoli, and pineapple/apple.  the punch was 45cals, and those fruits/veggies couldn't have exceeded 155.
TOTAL- 350

(further from yourself)

[15 Dec 2004|03:57pm]

today has been okay so far.  i woke up fairly late... around 12:30 in the afternoon, and had a headache.  i'm sure it was because i'm used to having my tea before 12pm... i really need to start getting up earlier.  and going ot bed earlier, too.  i decided i'm going to put myself on a strict schedule.  i have to.  mainly with chores, and sleep.  i'd state the obvious and stay "with food and exercise, too", but as of now i have absolutely no idea what is going to become of that.  but, until that gets sorted out... it will be a regular routine, i'm sure.  ish.

so, with chores & sleep- since audrey and i want to re-decorate our computer room, and make it more of a lounge/music room, i figured we'd better start showing mom that we'll be responsible enough to actually keep the room in decent (or... very good) shape.  i am going to devise some sort of chore list, i suppose, but most of it will be up to me, considering i'm home all day.  basically, the rule will be "put away anything and everything you get out, and if something's messed up, just clean it".  i'm pretty sure that will put an end to all of the bickering over how things are "always" out of place.  other than the basic stuff, i suppose there will be some sort of weekly cleaning day, and daily chores for things other than just keeping rooms in order. 

anyway.  today i'm really upset with myself, for everything.  i cannot believe now i may not be able to reach certain goals, and that scares me.  but, what ever.  i've done enough ranting these past few entries to last a long time.

meal one--
+ 1/2c. kashi strawberry fields cereal - 60cals
+ 1/2c. light soy - 25cals
+ 2 cups tea w/ 3 packets sweet-n-low - 20cals
TOTAL - 105cals... but i only ate about 3/4 of everything.  i freaking went over.  ugh.  even though i didn't eat everything, i still feel like i went over 100.  that makes me so mad.  one. hundred. calories.  that seems like so, so much.  i cannot believe i eat that all in one meal.

meal two--
+ 1/2 apple - 60cals
+ 1 teaspoon peanut butter - 33cals
+ 2 cups tea w/ 3 packets sweet-n-low - 20cals
TOTAL - 113cals.  yes.  i know i went over, again.  i only ate half of everything, because i screwed up my 100's today.

today is crazy.

meal three--
+1/4c. 100% rolled oats - 75cals
+ 2 packets sweet-n-low & cinnamon - 10cals
+ 2 cups tea with 3 packets sweet-n-low - 15cals
TOTAL - 100cals.  finally, 100.. 

meal four--
+ 1 slice light wheat bread - 35cals
+ 1/2 slice vegan cheese - 20cals
+ 1/2c. stewed tomatoes - 35cals
+ 1 sip juice (1 part juice, 4 parts water) - 10cals
TOTAL - 100cals.  woo, another one hundred.. 

meal five--
+ 1c. french cut green beans - 25cals
+ 2 petite asparagus spears - 5cals
+ 1/2c. stewed tomatoes - 35cals
+ 1 teaspoon hummus - 10cals
+ 2cups tea with 3 packets sweet-n-low - 20cals
TOTAL - 100cals (rounding up).. 

so, i guess today was okay.  i was still really really upset that i messed up my 100's in the morning.  what the heck was i thinking?.  screwing them up so early.  oh well, what ever.  it was much better than the last two days

(further from yourself)

[15 Dec 2004|01:11am]
bleh. today sucked too. EVERY DAY HAS BEEN TERRIBLE...

+ 1 piece light wheat bread - 35cals
+ 1/2 slice vegan cheese - 20cals
+ 1/4c. vegan boca - 30cals

TOTAL - 100 (rounding up...)

+ 3/4c. kashi puffed cereal - 60cals
+ 1/3c. light soy - 20cals
+ 1/2c. reduced cal. cranberry juice w/ 1 1/2c. water - 20cals

TOTAL - 100

+ 1 piece light wheat bread - 35cals
+ 1/2c. tofu stir fry- ... we'll round up to 100.

TOTAL- 100

so i WAS at 500, then I had an addiction smoothie from ragged edge... i'll go with, 300. it was made with soy yogurt, raspberries, coffee, and chocolate flavor. it was one of the safer ones on the menu.

so that brings be to 800. then i came home, had a bit of mashed potatoes, plain pumkin, and graham crackers... i was okay with this. until. i go downstairs to see my mom's new bedding that she just got put on her bed today. i go to leave the room. and. ugh. something made me really upset and so i purged all that i ate when i got home. what ever. i was pissed. and still am.

then i had a small sandwich, which pissed me off because i was mad in the first place, that's why i purged, then i just ate again. what in the world.

+ 1 piece light wheat bread - 35cals
+ 1 vegan boca burger - 70cals
+ 1/2 slice vegan cheese - 20cals
+ 1tsp hummus - 10cals
+ 1 bbq chip - 8cals

TOTAL- 150 (rounding up).

now i just had...

+ 1/2c. pumpkin w/ 1/2c. light soy - 100cals
+ 1 graham cracker - 55cals

TOTAL- 155

So... IF i did purge all of the food i ate before these last 305cals... i would have consumed... 1005cals today. i feel sick to my stomach. i cannot believe that. i've got to get this out of me. i'm purging the last things i just ate. tomorrow there is no way i'm consuming this much. it's disgusting and depressing just having to write it all. i'm so ashamed.

(1 step :x: further from yourself)

think fast... [14 Dec 2004|02:12pm]
[ mood | Lasdnflzuer!?# ]

okay.  before i make today's entry.  i need to make something really clear.  i turned myself in.  it was so screwed up.  it was like, it wasn't even me saying it!  or maybe it wasn't even me that was holding me back from saying it before?  it's so confusing, and i don't even know how i feel about it yet... well i do today.  today i am upset.  today i feel like crap because for the past two entire days i've had to eat like a normal person.  what ever that is.  disgusting.  i keep getting asked what i've eaten, and told to eat more, and more.  anyway.  here's today...

uh.  i'm so slow in the morning!  i just made four cups of tea, one with a little light soy, and was thinking "okay, fifty calories"... and didn't even realize that i just took my two calcium chews!  i'm stupid. 

2 cups tea, plain, 3 sweet-n-lows - 20cals
2 cups tea, 1/4c. light soy, 3 sweet-n-lows - 30cals
1/4-inch thick slice of apple - 5cals
2 sugar free calcium chews - 30cals
3 vitamins/supplements - 15cals (rounding up so it's 100 even)

TOTAL -- 100cals

EDIT: i just had lunch...
+ 2 cups tea, plain, 3 sweetn-n-lows - 20cals
+1/2c. plain pumpkin w/ splenda, cinnamon & 1/3c. light soy - 80cals (rounding up to 100 because of spices and sweetener)

100 is a pretty large breakfast.  and i'm beyond full.  my stomach feels so bloated.  i don't even know what to write in here anymore.  i guess the way i'm feeling... if i really really sit and try to figure it out somehow.  would be... i know i need help.  i'm not that stupid.  it's just.  i don't want to have to go and look for it.  i wish i could skip all the hard, inbetween the totally screwed and perfectly well stage.  i'm absolutely scared to death that i'm going to be put on some insane, five-gazillion calorie diet, forced to eat, and gain all of this weight, and they'll think i'm cured. 

i'm also scared as to what's going to happen to me in the meantime, while i wait for help?  it's like... my boyfriend is like "you're doing better!  these past two days you ate!" and that in itself makes me want to just.  well.  it makes me very sick to my stomach.  i'll just leave it at that.  i don't feel better.  when does that come?  and i don't even know what i want from all of this.  it's pretty funny because, i am so scared that now i will never, ever be satisfied.  i am borderline underweight, and if they make me gain any more i am going to go nuts.  but i'm also afraid that i'll go crazy anyhow because i'm not even at my SECOND goal.  when december 23 comes around i am going to be a mess.  i need to stop talking.  i'm going to go practice bass. 


(further from yourself)

[09 Dec 2004|03:37pm]
[ mood | fat ]

the past three days have been decent, FINALLY!  i'll just do short recaps... because i'm quite the lazy one.

 +1/2c. spaghetti squash w/ 1/2 c. sauce (60cals)
 +1 spinach & carrot salad (30cals)
 +1/2c. boiled broccoli (45cals)
 +tons of tea w/ light soy (50cals)
((TOTAL)) - 185cals

 +1/2c. pumpkin (40cals)
 +1c. light soy (50cals)
 +1 piece light wheat bread (35cals)
 +1/2c. spaghetti squash w/ 1/4c. sauce (45cals)
((TOTAL)) - 170cals

 +tea w/ light soy (25cals)
 +tea w/ non-dairy creamer (20cals)
 +1 small side salad (30cals)
 +a few bites broccoli and cheese (75cals)
 +a few bites canned peaches (25cals)
((TOTAL)) - 175cals

i was so pissed that i had to eat on wednesday.  i didn't have a single bite of anything until six o'clock, because my mom took us to wendy's ;[  it sucked, but i only had a tiny salad & water.  thennn, my boyfriend surprises me with DINNER!  he NEVER makes me food.  broccoli and cheese, and peaches.  i felt soo terrible hardly eating any of it, but even worse that i had to.  it really, really sucked.  3/4's of it is still in the fridge...

 +tea w/ light soy (25cals)
 +1/4c. pumpkin (20cals)
 +1 piece light wheat bread (35cals)

i know i'm going to have to eat more today, because my mom's picking me up and we're going to watch my sister cheer at the basketball game, in about 30 minutes.  she'll ask if we're hungry if i don't have something with me, and i don't want to end up going to wendy's again.  you never really know what that crap is, even if it is just "salad".  and the dressing, holy crap.  ONE PACKAGE of vinegarette contains more calories, than i've had per day this week  that's disgusting.  so i used one drop of it, and pepper, haha.  gross.

oh and crap.  i weighed this morning.  i'm upset that i did because i wanted to wait until i thought i was at 100... i'm at 105.  that's freaking stupid.  i'm absolutely going to reach 100 by the 15th or i'm not even considering going to the mewithoutYou concert that night.  i have no urge to consume anything, at, all.  going to go work out a bit before i have to leave for youth group. 


(2 step :x: further from yourself)

[22 Nov 2004|10:09pm]
[ mood | morbid ]

today and yesterday were insane. 

recap:: the youth ministry went well.  i didn't wake up until 1pm, got ready, and we left for the church.  mum got me the energy drink i asked for, except she got the original, not lo-carb... so.  i felt guilty and drank it anyway because i knew i'd probably black out if i didn't have at least one major source of caffeine.  i did well the whole night.  despite them having free food (pizza, soda's, cookies), i had a few pieces of popcorn and mini fat free pretzels.  i was pleased.  well i get home and decided "i'll have just one normal meal.  just one..." and it started off well.  i tried to keep reminding myself it would be okay.  then of course i felt disgustingly obese, and everything i ate i purged.  then i came inside and figured "well, did it once..." so i pigged out a bit more, then purged again.  it's so hilarious because i binge on healthy foods.  the least healthy thing i ate was a bit of cheese, and a spoonful of ice cream.  stupid.  but i made sure i purged it all

today::  woke up late, again.  around 2pm i believe.  had nothing but 1/2 cup light fruit juice (20cals) and a pure cocoa hot chocolate (20cals).  boy called, then i fell back asleep for a few more hours.  come six o'clock i still hadn't had anything more but water.  i decided to have 1/2 cup pumpkin with sweetner and spices.  i'm full, and all is well...

then, i go online to PASS just to find out that the ONLY day i decide to not visit the site, i come back to see that elle, committed, suicide.  i'm heartbroken.  i cannot even express myself in words or in thoughts.  i am so torn.  i don't know what to think or to say, or even if i should do either.  i get off the computer, because i cannot even fathom what to do let alone try to carry it out. 

i go into the kitchen, and decide "i am having a meal.  i am making myself have a normal meal, if not for anything else, for elle... i can do it for elle..."  i made myself steamed broccoli... cooked some red onion and spices to make a garnish for my vegan burger.  i put it all on top of a toasted whole wheat mini pita pocket... then made fresh hummus for seasoning.  i ate it slowly, reminding myself it was for her. 

then pudding.  then coolwhip and graham crackers... more, and more.  and more...

::p u  r   g   e::

i was so disappointed in myself.  then, of course, it continues.  i made a vegetarian chicken patty on whole grain with cheese, and more pudding, cool whip and graham crackers.  second purge.

i immediately had a huge glass of water to feel full again.  the only thing i actually consumed without purging tonight was the 1/2 apple with spices i warmed up in the microwave a few minutes ago.  i am so disgusted with myself, and even more with the thought that elle, is, gone. 

elle.  i love you baby.  you are so beautiful, no matter what.  i only wish i could say it to you just one.  more.  time. 


(1 step :x: further from yourself)

updates [21 Nov 2004|02:28pm]
[ mood | stinkert! ]

so.  yes i am still as fat as ever.  i fasted from tuesday until today, so that's five whole days, today being the sixth.  partially excluding friday... err.  i had to go out with my sister.  she bought me a dinner (i made sure i got the salad bar).  so i had two spinach salads with vinegar.  but then, dessert.  although i only had sugar free pudding and sugar free peanut butter cookies, i was (and still am) pissed.  i felt so disgusting.  my stomach looked like it was almost full term, and i'm not kidding.  so, for the first time in at least half of a year, i purged.  in the bathroom of walmart!  it was insane.  but, i got at least half of it, and my stomach wasn't nearly as bloated afterward (and thank God because it was so, so painful).  so, after that... liquid fasted all of yesterday (sat.), and am water fasting today (hopefully... i'm going to be gone from 3-10pm doing dramas/skits for a ministry at church... but i think i'll be able to stick it out). 

goodnews:: boy comes home today!  i'm so excited.  he was away this weekend for a soccer tournament near lancaster.  he tried calling me friday but missed me, then last night called over three places to find me!  he had everyone at the late night coffee house/church service looking for me!  finally he got ahold of me-- he got red carded from the first game today, because some guy was basically attacking him so he had to get him off his back... and, well, tripped him,  hahaha.  but of course, the other kid wasn't even called!  gerrr. 

oo, also.  i dyed my hair- because i reached my goal and maintained it for a good amount of days.  i was going to wait until i got to 98, but, it was the only opportunity i had.  it's dark auburn with medium auburn highlights, and an underlying layer of midnight blue on the front-left side.  woo&hoo.  i wanted it medium auburn all over, with light highlights, so i'm going to do all over light next time (so it comes up med.), and bleach highlights.

anyway, i'll be getting.  AMBER!  COME HOME!  i miss you babe!  it's so boring wasting my day with no one to talk toooo!  hope everything's going okay.  lovvies...


(1 step :x: further from yourself)

liquid fast-o-rama [14 Nov 2004|11:39am]
[ mood | yaYayYay! ]

hi darlings.  i started a liquid fast this friday, and it's already sunday!  i'm very surprised that it went so well (probably due to all the help and shortie-power from amber and i combined!).  on friday i had about 250cals, from two protein shakes and some soy milk.  saturday i had one protein shake, one pure cocoa hot chocolate, 1/2c. light chocolate soy, and one monster energy (again, thanks amber), which topped out at 260cals.

i'll be fasting today if at all possible, although boy is planning a surprise date, so i don't know what to expect, which could result in, dundundun... dinner.  or worse off yet, dessert!  but he's all up-down on keeping me in check (he even gives me the drawn out "aaaaaaa-jjjjjjjjjj...!" when i grab a spoonful of fatfree coolwhip!) and he's all "you look better everytime i see you", so, yeah, that makes me want to keep it that way

if i cannot fast, i'm  d e s p e r a t e l y  going to try starting the 2-4-6-8 today... but i believe i'll start with 400 since my totals have been closer to 200 the past two days.  also, i wont look like too much of an idiot trying to keep it under 400cals (which probably wont be too difficult, i'm a vegetarian and extremely picky, and trust me, he knows it).  on the upside, i've dropped my .f.i.v.e. since 20 days ago.  which is the saddest rate, but only because i was all "ohh let's try to recover ((AGAIN)) and keep it at frigging 1000cals!" which lasted for a  w e e k, then about 600-800, and now  (3==fast i  n  g, (yes, that was supposed to be a "puff" cloud, you know, to show it was going fast.  um...) so yes, you can see why it's a poor rate as of late.  (heh, that rhymed).  anyway, i'm gonna kick it up a notch, hopefully exercising like -:-whoa-:- at the gym today with mum and sis (go monster energy... it's going to save me today!). 

heart you fasting buddy.  stay safe and strong love


(1 step :x: further from yourself)

yet another [08 Nov 2004|07:56pm]
i think - too much and too long
i find - mary-kate my thinspiration
i want - to weigh 91 lbs
i have - red nails
i hate - sugar
i miss - the old days
i feel - full
i hear - the television, cartoons
i smell - my boyfriends cologne
i crave - to be thin
i search - my heart
i wonder - when this will end
i regret - it ever beginning
i love - Jesus
i ache - in my bones
i long - to be fragile
i care - about my loved ones
i always - miss my boyfriend
i am not - small
i believe - Jesus is my saviour
i dance - hXc
i sing - in an annoyingly adorable punk voice
i cry - enough for everyone
i do not always - take care of myself
i succeed - when i lose weight
i fail - when i don't
i fight - with myself
i write - in journals
i win - because the game's called i win!
i lose - when i don't win
i never - forget the good times
i confuse - beauty and reality
i listen - to mewithoutyou
i can usually be found - online, exercising, or sleeping
i am - getting ready to go to the bathroom!
i am scared - about the future
i am happy about - my goals
i hope - i can reach them
i expect - to be happy when i do
i need - comfort, encouragement, and motivation
i should - strive for my absolute best. always.

so far today... 715cals...

(further from yourself)

little nasties [23 Oct 2004|03:40pm]
[ mood | duuuuuhhhh ]

yeah.  ew.  we have absolutely no food in this house.  okay, let me rephrase that.  we have absolutely no food that i will eat or that is partially worth eating, hah!  here's the tiny list of nasties that we have: (list of nasties, what amazing terminology!)...

  • candy corn
  • vanilla waffer cookies
  • graham crackers
  • frozen chicken breasts
  • frozen turkey soup
  • vanilla ice cream
  • peppermint patties

yyyerp.  so what have i been eating the past few days?  these terrible concoctions i've had to come up with including my soy protein ground beef substitute, canned tomato, and... beans?  save me!  where's the lettuce!?  oh and i finished up my last bit of rice milk today, so no more cereal for me.

i am excited to say that i have been able to keep it extremely healthy despite the shortage of 'okay-list' foods in my house.  and i've been able to keep at almost exactly 1200 calories a day, which is great.  i'm really trying not to fall back into the hundreds, and especially considering the lack of food, it's rough!  i am so anxious to weigh myself on wednesday!  i really need to step up my exercise though, if i expect to see positive results.  i'm hoping i can make it to the gym at least twice before my weigh-in, and that i feel up to exercising at home (i've been having pretty frequent headaches/migraines and the like). 

today has been an absolute bore, except for my intense and interesting food stories, of course.  jake and i are hoping to get together with a couple we havn't seen for a few months, or another couple we havn't hung out with for the past few weeks, but it doesn't look too promising.  anyway, at least i get to see people at the church service tonight.  going to go do something to keep me occupied!


(further from yourself)

the 28 day plan, plan. [22 Oct 2004|02:34pm]
so i started up the 28 day plan this wednesday.  this will be my third time through.  i decided this time i'm going to go about it a little differently.  i'm really aiming for this to be more of a recovery time for me.  although i've been 'recovered' for a good while, i'm extremely vulnerable, and have my ups and downs as we all do.  i'm hoping that for these 28 days i can stick to a truly healthier plan which will really motivate me to continue with a healthier lifestyle.

so here's what's up-
o i'm aiming for 5 fruits and 5 veggies per day.  i'm really good with the veggies side, but the fruits is more difficult, i think mainly because i can eat two salads and have my veggies taken care of.  fruits is much more high-cal and hard to fit in i suppose.  so, i'm drinking more juices to get my fruit servings.
o also, i'm trying to not eat past 7pm.  that's very difficult for me as i have odd sleep patterns and i'm used to night time eating.  i'm hoping this will realy help me get any late-night binges under control, though  (haven't had any for a while, but gotta play it safe!).
o for water, i'm consuming at least 10 glasses a day, no biggie there!

here are my goals-
i'm weighing myself only once a week, and since i started on wed. i'll just stick with that.  on wednesday i weighed about 113lbs, but it was in the evening, after i had eaten and such, so i weighed again this morning, and i'm 110.  that was quite a relief as well as a surprise!  i just really gotta make sure i don't go scale-happy!
my first goal is to reach 105 by the end of the plan (nov. 17), which would have been 2lbs per week, if i was at 113.  but since i weigh 110, it should be much easier, and hopefully i'll surpass onto my second goal before the end of the plan!
my second goal is to reach 98 by december 15, which would be another 4 weeks.
now i've always had this crazy idea... 98 has been my goal, which for someone of 5'3 should be easily obtained.  oddly enough, my grandmother, who is now severely overweight, weighed 98lbs when she was my age, 16.  the other day she put me on the scale (i hadn't weighed myself for weeks), and if you could have seen the dissapointment on her face!  her reply to my weight?  "Oh..."  OH!  that's it!  so anyway, when she finally told me why she weighed me, to see if i was the same as her when she was 16, and told me she weighed 98, i went crazy in my head.  the whole idea came back to me, everything flooded back in.  but now i'm going about this in a healthy manner... it's just going to be much more difficult... 

my other crazy idea?  my ultimate goal weight is 91lbs.  at that weight, my bmi would be 16.16 (my favorite number).  crazy, i know.  but this is just some oddity i have, everything will depend on how my progress goes and the changes i see.

welp, i think i'll go do something productive..ish.  i've been so lazy this week!


(further from yourself)

001 [02 Sep 2004|07:11am]

well, this is going to be my new journal... hopefully i'll actually keep up with this one (considering i only switched twice... hmm).  i'm mainly going to be using this for food/fitness related stuff.  other than that, not positive!  but i'll start us off with a little survey, shall we?

Name: alison jeanine
-- Birth date: january 10, 1988
-- Birthplace: Maryland
-- Current: Gettysburg
-- Eye Color: black
-- Hair Color: maroon/brown
-- Height: 5'3 (go shorties)
-- Righty or Lefty: righty
-- Zodiac Sign: erm, that's a buncha bull

-- Your heritage: irish, italian, french
-- The shoes you wore today: sneaks at the gym
-- Your weakness: food
-- Your fears: friends dying without Christ
-- Your perfect pizza: none.  phahaha

-- Your most overused phrase on aim: hahaha, oh man, ...
-- Your thoughts first waking up: "i'm not getting up now..."
-- Your best physical feature: collar bones
-- Your bedtime: whenever i'm tired enough, but aiming for 10pm
-- Your best missed memory: melissa mohle, and masters '03

-- Pepsi or Coke: don't drink soda
-- McDonald's or Burger King: um, take a guess. (neither)

-- Single or group dates: single
-- Adidas or Nike: adidas.

-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: either is fine
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla... french
-- Cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino

-- Smoke: never
-- Cuss: nope
-- Sing: suuure.

-- Take a shower: "showerdays... i hate them"
-- Have a crush: yerp
-- Do you think you've been in love: do you think i've been in love? haha, i am

-- Want to go to university?: yes, liberty.
-- Like(d) high school: sort of, homeschooled now.
-- Want to get married: yes, asap.
-- Believe in yourself: yes
-- Get motion sickness: sometimes
-- Think you're attractive: uh, conceited much? (the ?, not me, haha)
-- Think you're a health freak: completely
-- Get along with your parent(s): most of the time
-- Like thunderstorms: yeah, but not the wind.
-- Play an instrument: some piano, learning bass

-- Drank alcohol: once.
-- Smoked: never
-- Done a drug: never
-- Made Out: yes
-- Gone to the mall: yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no.  thank God.
-- Eaten sushi: once.
-- Been on stage: yes
-- Been dumped: yes
-- Gone skating: love it!
-- Made homemade cookies: yes
-- Gone skinny-dipping: nope
-- Stolen anything: when i was a kid.

-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: no
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no
-- Been called a tease: highly doubt it
-- Shoplifted: a few times a long while ago
-- Changed who you were to fit in: pretty sure we all have once.

-- When you hope to be married: in the next 5 years, max.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 5 .. aveeana jeanine lee, heath israel, isaiah jamez, paul andrew, chloe/augustine/mae
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: erm, a small wedding with all my closest friends
-- How do you want to die: i've always thought of being martyred for Christ.
-- Where you want to go to university? i've thought about liberty and messiah.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: something involving nutrition/fitness/design
-- What country would you most like to visit: australia

In a guy/girl...
-- Best eye color? brown
-- Best hair color? chocolate brown
-- Short or long hair: long
-- Height: taller than me
-- Best weight: jake is the perfect body weight for his height... 5% body fat!
-- Articles of clothing: vintage, grunge, tight pants/tee's, black, dickies and converse.
-- Best first date location: anywhere secluded
-- Best first kiss location: ditto

--# of drugs taken illegally: none
--# of people I could trust with my life: about 5ish

--# of CDs that I own: 80-100?  that's a total guess
--# of piercings: 11
--# of tattoos: no[t yet]
--# of things in my past that I regret: a good many, but they're done and forgiven.


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